The girls have been crushing the boys so far this season on "Dancing with the Stars," so what better time for a battle of the genders episode, complete with boy bands, girl groups and even an actual Backstreet Boy, Nick Carter, on the judges row. Surely this episode would end with the ladies stomping all over the guys, right?
Surprise! And definitely not the first one of the night, either.
First, the ladies group's number paled in comparison to the boys group's rocky-but-raucously entertaining routine. Then, when it came time to narrow down the contestants for the elimination, it was the girls on the chopping block, not the boys. AND THEN, if that wasn't enough, it was Heather Morris – hot off not only getting her partner Maks back, but also getting a very, very deserved perfect score – being nixed from the show to a chorus of outraged boos and sad husband cutaway shots.
Also: ABC must not be paying its bills, because most of the lights yelled "screw it" and shut off with about five minutes to go. A night of surprises, to say the least!
Or maybe not that surprising. Of course getting shipped off the show after a perfect score – and weeks of strong dances – is a bit of a shock, but Morris was always one of the lesser-known names on the show, well out of the spotlight since her heyday on "Glee," a show that feels like a decade ago. Plus, her built-in dancing background was always more of a hindrance than a help, at least certainly with winning over voters. People expected perfection every week, and anything less – like, say, last week's "Frozen" routine – would feel like a disappointment.
At least she got to give the audience some perfection before they booted her off, though.
But what of the surviving seven? The judges had their say, but here's our weekly rankings from last night's episode:
7. Bonner Bolton
Dance: Rumba
Judges' score: 30 out of 40
Our score: OK, I'm done playing these games. Each week, I pick Nick to go home – not because I dislike him, but because, as both a dancer and as a celebrity, he comes up short – and each week, he's still there. I would've sworn those Pinocchio pantaloons would've been the death of him last week. Alas ...
So fine, I'll pick somebody else: Berenstain Brontosaurus. His rumba to the Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way" was beefily sexy enough – and the wall opening was a nifty bit of choreography – but Bruno dinged him for his jaggedly inconsistent movements, and the dance itself was a touch sluggish. I want it that way ... and by "that way," I mean the celeb doing equal dancing with the professional. Plus, in the sloppily sensational guys routine, he was the only one actually called out for missing some steps.
Then again, he was also shirtless for, like, so much of the night, so maybe he'll be fine.
6. Nick Viall
Dance: Jive
Judges' score: 28 out of 40
Our score: He may have amazingly survived this past week, but I doubt there would be many upset to see him go after his Beach Boys-themed jive. To his credit, his kicks had a surprising amount of snap – a tough feat with the gangly celeb's long limbs – and it was a fun, sunny number. At the same time, that fun-in-the-sun factor is more credit to the choreography and the Beach Boys' addictively peppy pop song than Nick, because, boy, he made that look like work.
Of course, now that I've moved Nick out of the bottom spot, this will be the week The Bachelor gets the boot. It's all a part of Mr. Viall's scheme to make me lose my damn mind. So, so devious.
On the other hand, he did very relatably hold some coffee during his training this week, so maybe he'll survive to be mediocre another week.
5. David Ross
Dance: Argentine tango
Judges' score: 29 out of 40
Our score: The cracks are indeed beginning to show – not just in Ross' affable dad role on the show (dude was straight-up grumpy with his partner; that's Nancy's shtick!). Indeed, the dancing's been in decline for David, and this week's Argentine tango kept that going – notably so with that mid-routine lift that was a mouse's fart away from him dropping his partner to the floor. Plus, his personality – his saving attribute – wasn't in display, as his usually joyful demeanor turned into a grumbly grimace.
Thankfully, he had the boys number to bring the personality back out – and I think that saves him this week.
4. Nancy Kerrigan
Dance: Paso doble
Judges' score: 33 out of 40
Our score: Nancy. I love you. I grew up watching you ice skate. You're awesome. But I need you to chill the flip out. Every week is a nervous breakdown, and I have enough stress in my own life; I don't need "Dancing with the Stars" – a show that can't even keep its lights on – to add to that. Plus, you freak out in seemingly every practice – and then crush it live, as you did Monday night with your fierce paso doble.
The dizzying cage opening wasn't my favorite, and it was aggressively danced to the point of losing its balance, but as she showed last week, Kerrigan is a great performer – whether she's playing sweet princess or sexy, ferocious paso partner. If only she started to realize it as much as everyone else.
3. Simone Biles
Dance: Samba
Judges' score: 35 out of 40
Our score: The judges were a little overly gaga over the gymnast's "Survivor"-themed samba. It was much more smiley than sexy, and the steps and timing were notably off a few times. If anything, it felt like a step back for Simone. Not a punishing one, though; Simone's been my pick to win from day one, and she's still where I'd put my money if I was a betting man. And it was not a bad routine at all, just not top-flight – though it was pretty worth it for the adorable pre-dance segment where Biles tried to remember a date she once went on (ouch for that dude) and giggled over Rashad Jennings. I imagine she was a big fan of the boys dance then.
2. Rashad Jennings
Dance: Tango
Judges' score: 37 out of 40
Our score: In need of a delightful recovery dance routine? Call in The Four Tops! Seriously, who could say no to Jennings' tango after he opened it with the Motown group's signature slick moves – so much so Levi Stubbs himself would be impressed. The rest of the routine was nothing to sniff at either, not a surprise since Rashad has consistently been one of the season's smoothest dancers. Monday night gave him a chance to show that off again.
1. Normani Kordei
Dance: Salsa
Judges' score: 38 out of 40
Our score: When it was revealed that one of the ladies was getting the axe last night, I was certain Normani was going to be the recipient. Yes, she had a killer routine the previous week, but she also was in the bottom before, hinting that the Fifth Harmaniacs weren't quite showing up. I should've never doubted the polling powers of Donny Osmond!
Luckily, Kordei survived another week – and her steamy salsa to "When I Grow Up" by the Pussycat Dolls should earn her another safe week next Monday night too. She's proven to be a fierce, powerful performer who brings attitude and story to the stage in addition to actually sticking the steps – both the technical ones and the freestyle in the middle (that of course Len harrumphed).
Her dance earns the ultimate compliment: It made listening to the Pussycat Dolls enjoyable!
As much as it is a gigantic cliché to say that one has always had a passion for film, Matt Mueller has always had a passion for film. Whether it was bringing in the latest movie reviews for his first grade show-and-tell or writing film reviews for the St. Norbert College Times as a high school student, Matt is way too obsessed with movies for his own good.
When he's not writing about the latest blockbuster or talking much too glowingly about "Piranha 3D," Matt can probably be found watching literally any sport (minus cricket) or working at - get this - a local movie theater. Or watching a movie. Yeah, he's probably watching a movie.
