Welcome to the Super Bowl, aka the Kelce Bowl, aka the Andy Reid Bowl, aka the One Last Excuse To Drink Heavily On A Sunday Until Fall Bowl.
After five months of intense football action, exciting surprises and depressing Aaron Rodgers on-field regression, we've wound up with the two best teams in the big game. (Phew, because I think the NFL would've called for a redo if it was Jaguars-Lions.)
The Kansas Chiefs have been here before, winning the Super Bowl in 2020 – and despite losing some key players this offseason, they look just as good and now sit on the precipice on a dynasty. But will they pull it off with Patrick Mahomes potentially ma-hobbled with an ankle injury? Standing in their way are the Philadelphia Eagles, who unexpectedly turned into monoliths in the NFC this season thanks to Jalen Hurts, a fiery defense and a restocked receivers room. But were these baby birds just able to take over the NFC because the NFC was, as sporting experts described, "hot trash" this season? And will their inexperience come into play now that they take the game's biggest stage? Philadelphia street lamps better hope so ...
So who's going to win this highly anticipated battle? I have no idea. All I know is that we've already won because Tom Brady's gone forever and now just makes weird cinematic fan fiction with 80-year-old Hollywood legends. We did it! We've made it to the end of the Tom Brady reign! (For now.)
To help make the big game even more entertaining and unpredictable – and to help survive all the "Masked Singer" ads coming our way – NFL Memes has crafted yet another glorious (and mostly unserious) Super Bowl drinking game. Take a sip of this:
But why stop there? This is a national holiday to excess, so why not add even more (fake) excuses to consume even more alcohol:
- A tradition unlike any other: Take a drink every time you see a big expensive Super Bowl commercial ... and totally ignore it because you already saw it a week ago. $7 million well spent, companies!
- Pop champagne every time you don't see an ad for crypto.
- Take a shot every time some Flanders-esque pearl-clutcher files an FCC complaint about Rihanna's halftime show.
- Chug a whole bottle of everclear whenever anyone tries to bring up Aaron Rodgers versus Jordan Love.
- Have a Corona when the "Fast X" trailer hits your screen.
- Take a drink every time the broadcast gets hyberbolic about either Patrick Mahomes or Jalen Hurts.
- Take a drink every time you have to remind yourself who FOX's bland play-by-play guys are.
- Take two drinks every time a commercial features a cameo from a supposedly famous TikTok/music person you don't know because the culture's passed you by.
- Take a swig of ayahuasca every time you remember the Packers could've made the playoffs but lost to the Detroit Lions. Twice.
- Pop some more champagne every time you remember that your team doesn't play in the AFC and have to face off against Patrick Mahomes, Josh Allen, Joe Burrow and more every year.
- Hide in a completely dark room of contemplative solitude when the game ends and you realize you're all out of football until next fall. (You don't count, XFL or USFL.)
- Take a shot when you realize Valentine's Day is in two days and you haven't gotten your significant other anything.
Cheers to a close and exciting Super Bowl game, an entertaining halftime show (and *fingers crossed* finally a new Rihanna album afterwards), and to Tom Brady's retirement actually sticking this time.
As much as it is a gigantic cliché to say that one has always had a passion for film, Matt Mueller has always had a passion for film. Whether it was bringing in the latest movie reviews for his first grade show-and-tell or writing film reviews for the St. Norbert College Times as a high school student, Matt is way too obsessed with movies for his own good.
When he's not writing about the latest blockbuster or talking much too glowingly about "Piranha 3D," Matt can probably be found watching literally any sport (minus cricket) or working at - get this - a local movie theater. Or watching a movie. Yeah, he's probably watching a movie.