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Beer is not food. And, sadly, there is not a sandwich in every beer even though someone once told me there was.
Beer is not food. And, sadly, there is not a sandwich in every beer even though someone once told me there was.

"Drunkorexia"

"Bar Month" at OnMilwaukee.com is back for another round! The whole month of February, we're serving up intoxicatingly fun articles on bars and clubs -- including guides, the latest trends, bartender profiles and more. Grab a designated driver and dive in!

Recently, I read a couple of articles about this non-medical term "drunkorexia" that defines people who skip meals to save calories so they can binge drink later in the day. Apparently, some folks take it even further than this, and some fast for the entire day or throw up before going out.

I'm no drunkorexic, but I can relate to this. Occasionally, I have been offered a dessert or a second slice of pizza and I said, only half jokingly, "Thanks, but I am saving my caloric intake for beer."

But today, after reading this latest article that talks about how this disorder affects young men as well as women, I decided not to make jokes or comments like this anymore. I don't want my kids, or my friends' kids, to hear this and somehow get the idea calories are all the same -- empty or not -- and that they are all the enemy.

I am so sick of constant collective body loathing and yet, when it comes down to it, I just want to drink beer and not look like it. Stupid human.

Social smokers are sometimes annoying to regular smokers. Especially because we rarely have our own cigs.
Social smokers are sometimes annoying to regular smokers. Especially because we rarely have our own cigs.

Did the smoking ban snuff out the social smoker?

"Bar Month" at OnMilwaukee.com is back for another round! The whole month of February, we're serving up intoxicatingly fun articles on bars and clubs -- including guides, the latest trends, bartender profiles and more. Grab a designated driver and dive in!

Recently, a friend asked me when was the last time I smoked a cigarette and I couldn’t remember. I found this interesting because, although I was not a pack-a-day smoker, I did like to suck down a few grits when drinking alcohol.

However, most of my alcohol consumption takes place at home -- where I do not smoke -- or in bars -- where I can no longer smoke. And so, guess what? I don’t really smoke anymore. And it didn't require anything. Not a patch, not gum, not pills. Just one law.

I’ve discussed this with fellow former social smokers and decided that because we’re not hardcore smokers, we’re unwilling to stand in outside in frigid temps. Plus, most social smokers do not have a nicotine addiction. Sure, we might have an emotional addiction to cigs or some other unhealthy relationship with them but it makes simply stopping way less of a physically painful process.

I can’t decide if I should just go purist and say "I no longer smoke." The older I get, the more I realize I don’t care for labels. I’d rather not be a "smoker" or a "non-smoker," and even though I have not eaten meat since September, I refuse to call myself a "vegetarian." It’s funny, when I was younger, I was all about asserting myself as this or that, but these days, I like the freedom to shamelessly be my undefined, sometimes hypocritical self is an integral aspect of my self-acceptance.

But enough about that.

From a health perspective, the death of social smoking is a good thing. Even though I can’t say I feel much healthier on a day-to-day basis, I know I probably am. Plus, I don’t get smoke hangovers anymore from either my own cigs or the dozens that burned around me at bars.

But on the other hand, I miss social sm…

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Dorothy Parker could probably drink me under the round table, but it would still be a hoot.
Dorothy Parker could probably drink me under the round table, but it would still be a hoot.

What dead person would you drink with?

"Bar Month" at OnMilwaukee.com is back for another round! The whole month of February, we're serving up intoxicatingly fun articles on bars and clubs -- including guides, the latest trends, bartender profiles and more. Grab a designated driver and dive in!

My kids are at the age where they ask a lot of "what if" questions. I like it. It makes me think about random topics I wouldn’t normally mull over. Not surprisingly, I just had a "what if" question pop into my head, and I thought I’d toss it out to the Milwaukee masses.

What if you could have a beer or a cocktail with any dead person? Who would it be?

Given the chance to booze with the deceased, I would choose my grandfather -- who loved his Schlitz -- and then Milwaukee founder Solomon Juneau and / or the dark and witty writer Dorothy Parker.

Although with Parker, I would probably wind up having quite a few more than one, but that would be OK, too. As she would say, "Might as well live."

How about you?

"Someday soon I'll make you mine."
"Someday soon I'll make you mine."

I want booze and candy

"Bar Month" at OnMilwaukee.com is back for another round! The whole month of February, we're serving up intoxicatingly fun articles on bars and clubs -- including guides, the latest trends, bartender profiles and more. Grab a designated driver and dive in!

Wine and chocolate are a common candy-and-alcohol match, but for those of us with way less refined taste, here's a list of other liquors and their candy counterpart, according to my arguably questionable palate.

Rum and Almond Joy. If you lust after the coconut, pick a coconut-flavored rum, otherwise, a regular ol' rum will do and you'll still get your tropical nutty fix with this combo. The wearing of a pirate's eyepatch while consuming is recommended.

Pernod and Good 'n' Plenty. Go into anise-overload by pairing up these two, and keep in mind that black licorice also works well for a trifecta of anise taste. However, if you're one of those folks who think there's a reason why "anise" sounds so much like "anus," then you probably wanna pass.

Jack and caramel cubes. Jack Daniels caramel candy is delicious, but a glass of whiskey and a hand full of caramels is even better. And best of all, if the sticky caramels accidentally pull out a filling or two, you're already anesthetized by the booze.

Sour Apple Pucker and Sour Patch Kids. Like your candy and your booze both sweet and sour? This disgustingly delicious combo is for your inner underaged drinker.

Beer and just about any candy on the market. It's true. I've matched up beers with most cheap, drugstore candies -- including M&Ms, Chick-o-Sticks, Tootsie Rolls, Tootsie Roll pops, Airheads, Andies Candies, Twix Bars, Boston Baked Beans, Butterfingers, Circus Peanuts, Sugar Babies, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Reese's Pieces, Clark Bars, Three Musketeers, Dots, KitKats and Jelly Bellies -- and they all worked as fine, fine complements. (Note that Fun Dip "lick-a-stick" did not make it on this list.) However, if forced to pick, Salted Nut Rolls with Lakefr…

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